Fear when I need to get up at 0400hrs

Sitting at my dads. The only one awake. I watched an episode of the second series of The Met: Policing London and then a short video about an horrific unexpected assault on two PCs in Hampshire. I should not have done this. (But is ignorance better than information? That’s for another time.)

My heart rate quickened, my mouth went dry and my mind raced. I was scared 

I now can’t sleep. I can’t seem to rationalise the job I do. I can’t reassure myself and I can’t do anything right now to prevent that happening to me or my colleagues. 

I’ve got a one to one tomorrow for the first time with my line manager. She is young in her role, only acting up at this time. I don’t know if I should mention the way I have felt tonight. I wonder what the consequences might be or how she’ll see me and possibly put actions in place. 

I don’t want to be scared. I want to be able to do the job effectively and fully, without the risk of danger to my colleagues or I. It makes me think about the long run, about my options for the future. 

It isn’t possible for me or anyone else to do this job without danger, risk or threat. I want to be able to avoid anything of that scale and aggression from ever happening to my colleagues and I. 


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